Blondine-vitser
- Hva kaller man en bag med to blondinehjerner i?
- Airbag.
- Hva kaller man en blondine som slår hjul?
- Blondine- brunette- blondine brunette...
- Hvor mange blondiner skal til for å skifte en lyspære?
- To. En for å holde Cola Lighten og en for å løpe etter pappa.
- Hva kalles en intelligent blondine?
- Golden Retriever...
- Hvorfor har blondiner blåmerker rundt navlen?
- Blonde gutter er ikke så veldig smarte de heller...
- Utenfor et lite hus stod en dum blondine, en intelligent blodine, Fantomet og Supermann.
Inne i huset stod det en sekk full av gullmynter. En av de overnevte gikk inn for å hente
denne. Hvem?
- Den dumme blondinen. De andre er bare fantasifigurer.
- Vet du hvorfor blondiner ikke kan stå på vannski?
- De legger seg med en gang de blir våte mellom beina.
- Hvorfor kan ikke blondiner svømme bryst?
- De legger seg på rygg hver gang de blir våte mellom bena.
- Hva har du når en blondine står på hodet?
- En brunette med dårlig ånde...
- Vet du hva moren sier til blondina før hun drar på byen?
- Er du ikke i seng før klokka tolv får du komme hjem.
- Vet du hvordan man kan se om en blondine har vært i kjøleskapet ditt?
- Det er lebestift rundt agurken.
- Vet du hva man kaller en flue som surrer rundt i hodet på en blondine?
- Lost in Space.
- Vet du hvorfor en blondine har èn hjernecelle mer enn en hest ?
- For at hun ikke skal drite i 17.mai-toget.
- Vet du hva man kaller en blondine med to hjerneceller?
- Gravid.
- WHY ARE BLONDE JOKES SO SHORT?
- So men can remember them.
- WHAT IS THE THINNEST BOOK IN THE WORLD?
- What men know about women
- HOW CAN YOU TELL IF A MAN IS SEXUALLY EXCITED?
- He is breathing.
- WHAT IS A MAN'S IDEA OF FOREPLAY?
- A half hour of begging.
- HOW DO YOU SAVE A MAN FROM DROWNING?
- Take your foot off his head.
- WHAT DO YOU CALL A MAN WITH AN I.Q. OF 50?
- Gifted.
- WHAT DO MEN AND BEER BOTTLES HAVE IN COMMON?
- They're both empty from the neck up.
- HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER?
- We don't know. It's never happened.
- WHY DO MEN ALWAYS HAVE STUPID LOOKS ON THEIR FACES?
- Because they are stupid.
- HOW ARE MEN AND PARKING SPOTS ALIKE?
- The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.
- WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND GOVERNMENT BONDS?
- Bonds mature.
- WHAT IS A MAN'S IDEA OF HELPING WITH THE HOUSE WORK?
- Lifting his legs, so you can vacuum.
- WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MAN AND E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.
- Vad kallar man en brunett som står mellan två blondiner?
-Tolk!
- Vad är det första en blondin säger när hon vaknar?
-Svar: Vem är du?
- Vad det är för likhet på en blondin och en ekorre.
-Båda två tycker om saftiga ollon
- Varför har blondiner ljust hår?
-Det är den enda möjligheten för dom att kunna kallas LJUSHUVUD
- Vad sa blondinen när hon vaknade upp under en ko?
-En i taget grabbar
- Vad är det för skillnad på en mygga och en blondin?
-Myggan slår man ihjäl, men blondinen låter man suga färdigt
- Vet du varför brunetter är så stolta över sitt hår?
-Det matchar mustachen
- Vad gjorde blondinen som fick tvillingar?
-Gick ut och letade efter den andra pappan
- Vad kallar man en hjärncell i en blondins huvud?
-Turist
- Vad kallar man två hjärnceller i en blondins huvud?
-Finns inget ord för det eftersom det inte är någon risk att det händer
- Vad gör en blondin för att ha råd med video?
-Säljer TV:n
- Varför har inte blondiner dörr till toaletten?
-Så ingen ska kika genom nyckelhålet
- Hur många gånger skrattar en blondin när man berättar en rolig historia för henne?
-Tre!!! En gång när man berättat historien, en gång när hon fått den förklarad för
sig och en gång när hon förstår den
- Vad är blondinens parningsrop?
-Jag är sååååå full !!
- Vad är fula blondiners parningsrop?
-(skrikandes) Jag sa: Jag är full !!!!
- Varför använde aldrig blondinen sina vattenskidor?
-Hon kunde inte hitta en tillräckligt brant sjö
- Japanska flygets största flygar-veteran under andra världskriget var blondin.
-Hon återvände helskinnad från över 40 kamikaze-attacker
- Varför gjorde blondinen 75 depåbesök under formel-1 racet?
-3 för att tanka, 4 för att byta däck, och 68 för att fråga efter vägen
- Varför ville inte blondinen bli Jehovas Vittne?
-Hon sa att hon inte såg olyckan
- Vad ville blondinen byta in när hon köpte ny bil?
-Sin menstrual cykel
- Varför stoppade blondinen vägrengörningsmaskinen?
-Hon ville berätta att den läckte
- Varför blev den blonda horan arg?
-Hon fick reda på att de andra fick betalt
- Vad hände med blondinen som skulle registrera sin nya bil men ställde sig i fel kö?
-Hon gifte sig med Honda Civic
- Varför blev publiken förvånad när den blonda orkestern tog paus för att torka bort
saliven ur instrumenten?
-Det var en stråkorkester
- Varför började blondinen gråta när hon klev i en koskit?
-Hon trodde hon hade börjat smälta
- Hur många blondiner krävs det för att göra popcorn?
-20! En att hålla kastrullen och 19 att skaka spisen
- En blondin kommer in till doktorn med en groda på huvudet.
-Jaha, vad kan jag hjälpa dig med? frågar doktorn Jo, det är den här vårtan på min
rumpa, svarar grodan
- Två blondiner är ute och går när en fågelskit träffar den ena rakt i ögat
- "Jag går och hämtar lite dasspapper att torka med""Det spelar ingen
roll Han har antagligen redan hunnit långt bort"
- Varför är det dyrare att få en blondins hjärna vid en hjärntransplantation?
-Den är oanvänd
- Världens tre farligaste:
-En jude med investeringsplaner -En Nigerian med nya Nike skor -En blondin med kreditkort
- Vad kallas skandalen då en amerikansk president blev ertappad med swimingpoolen full av
blondiner?
-Grisbukten
- Vad ska det stå i botten på systembolagets nya alkoläsk för blondiner?
-Öppnas i andra ändan
- Vad gör man om en blondin kastar en granat på en?
-Drar ut sprinten och kastar tillbaka den!
- Hur ser man att en blondin har spelat datorspel?
-Läppstift på joysticken
- Vad är det för likhet mellan en blondin och en säl
-Båda kvider då dom får klubba
- Vad sade den dumma blondinen till piloten?
-Skulle du vilja flyga lågt och sakta så vi inte kraschar!
- Varför gillar inte blondiner salta pinnar?
-Dom är vana vid ådriga stockar
- Hur reagerar en blondin när hon hör ett blondin-skämt?
-Hon blir tyst som en mus
- Vad är brunnettens parningsrop?
-Alla blondiner har gått nu !!
- Vad är det för likhet mellan blandfärs och blondiner?
-30% gris & 70% nöt!!
- Vad är en blondins högsta önskan ?
-Svart snöre i tampongen!!
- Varför kan inte blondiner räkna till 70?
-De har munnen full efter 69
- Varför stoppar blondiner P-piller i spolarvätskan?
-För att slippa ha gummi på vindrutetorkarna!
- Varför finns det så många skämt om blondiner?
-För att brunetterna ska ha något att prata om!
- Vad är likheten mellan blondiner och frimärken?
-Man slickar dom, sätter på dom och skickar iväg dom
- Vad säger en blondins blygdläppar till varandra innan en veckas semester på Mallorca?
-Vi ses om en vecka !!
- Vad kallas ett par blonda tvillingar?
-En miss i evolutionen
- Hur får man en blondin att sitta på en stol?
-Man vänder på stolen
- Varför går en blondin omkring med en tom läskflaska?
-Hon kan träffa nån som inte är törstig
- Vad är en perfekt blondin?
-En som omedelbart efteråt förvandlas till en back öl och dina två bästa kompisar
- Varför öppnar blondinen mjölkpaketet i butiken?
-Det står öppnas här på paketet!
- Vad säger man till en blondin som inte vill?
-Vet inte Har aldrig träffat någon
- Vet ni varför man inte ska blåsa i örat på en blondin?
-Det kan bli rundgång
- Vad är det för likhet mellan en blondin och ett 6-pack?
-Båda har två hål att bara hugga tag i
- Hur transporterar man lättast en blondin?
-Vänd henne upp och ner och bär henne som ett sexpack
- Varför flyter blondiner så bra?
-Dom lägger sig på rygg och slappnar av när de blir våta
- Vad sa blondinen som vaknade upp under kossan?
-Är ni fyra grabbar kvar här än!?
- Vad är det för likhet mellan en stekpanna och en blondin?
-Båda måste bli heta innan man har i korven
- Har du sett det nya schampot för blont hår?
-Ingen text, bara bilder
- Vad är det för skillnad mellan en blondin och HIV?
-HIV utvecklas!
- Vad döper blondinen sitt randiga zebra-mjukisdjur?
-Pricken
- Hur ser man att en blondin haft kul kvällen innan?
-Man kastar trosorna på väggen och ser om dom fastnar
- En brunette och en blondin var ute och promenerade när brunetten plötsligt utbrister:
-Åhhh, titta en död fågel! Varvid blondinen stannar och stirrar upp i luften
- Hur hjärntvättar man en blondin?
-Ge henne en dusch och skaka henne uppochner
- Hur gör blondiner "moonwalk"?
-Drar ner trosorna och drar baken längs golvet
- Varför finns det så få blonda gymnaster?
-När blondinerna går ner i spagat fastnar dom i golvet
- Hur får man en blondin att tindra med ögonen? Har du hört om den lesbiska blondinen?
-Hon kunde inte sluta vara med män
- Vad är en blondins favoritsak på bensinmacken?
-Luftpumpen
- Vad gör man med en blondin på morgonen?
-Skjutsar henne till återvinningen
- Vad är det för likhet mellan en boj och en blondin?
-Båda flyter och båda är konstant blöta
- Vad är det för likhet melllan tofflor och blondiner?
-De är sköna att sätta på när man är hemma men inget man går ut med
- Vad använder blondiner som karta i öknen?
-Sandpapper
- Varför gillar inte blondiner att gå till tandläkaren?
-Dom får inte stoppa något i munnen på en hel timme efter besöket
- Vad sa blondinen när hon fick gliringar om att hon hade vacuum i huvudet?
-Bättre det än ingenting alls
- Vad kallar man en blondin med en hjärncell?
-Normal
- Vad är det för likhet på en fallskärm och en Pamela Anderson?
-Båda viker ut sig
- Vilken tjej i fjärde klass har snyggast kropp, blondinen, brunetten eller den
rödhåriga?
-blondinen, hon är 18
- Varför har blondinerna i San Francisco inte minikjolar?
-Deras kulor syns
- Vilken viktig fråga ställer blondiner sin partner före sex?
-Vill du ha det här per timme eller den fasta taxan?
- Varför får blondiner orgasm?
-Så att dom vet när dom ska sluta ha sex
- Varför har blondiner solglasögon på sig när de är ute och handlar?
-De är rädda för att bli igenkända
- Vad är det för skillnad på en blondin och en pizza?
-Man kan välja bort ost och svampen på en pizza
- Varför föredrar blondiner oljeshejker?
-Deras källa tar aldrig slut
- Vad var det blonda mediets största bedrift?
-En "i-kroppen" upplevelse
- Hur dödar man en blondin?
-Sätt spikar på axelvaddarna
- Hur tar blondiner hål i öronen?
-Dom sättar nålar på axelvaddarna
- Varför äter blondiner inte saltgurka?
-Dom får inte ner huvudet i burken
- Varför har blondiner stora runda örhängen?
-Så att dom har någonstans att vila vristerna
- Varför gick blondinen över vägen?
-Glöm vägen, vad gjorde hon utanför sovrummet? -Det visste inte hon heller
- Vad ser man när man tittar djupt i en blondins ögon?
-Baksidan på hennes huvud
- Vet du vad en blondin säger när hon får en halvmeter i sig?
-men det vet jag!
- Vad är det för något irriterande runt en blondins vagina?
-De andra killarna som väntar på sin tur
- Vad säger man till en blondin utan armar och ben?
-Schyssta lungor
- Vad är karaktäristikt för en blondins trädgård?
-Buskarna är mörkare än den övriga vegetationen
- Varför hade blondinen fyrkantiga tuttar?
-Hon glömde ta ut servetterna ur lådan
- Hur dränker man en blondin?
-Säg inte åt henne att svälja -Lägg en spegel på botten av en pool -Sätt en
"luktis" på botten
- Vad sade blondinen till främlingen?
-Klä av dig, jag tror jag känner dig!
- Hur vet man när en blondin är brunstig?
-När hon schluddrar: Jag är schååå full!
- Hur vet man att en brunett är brunstig?
-När hon frågar: Har det blonda fnasket gått nu?
- Varför tar det längre tid för en brunett att få orgasm?
-Vem bryr sig
- Varför uppfann Gud spriten?
-Så även brunetter ska få ha sex
- Vad säger man för att få en blondin i säng?
-Hej!
- I vilken sportgren är blondiner mest framgångsrika?
-100 meter kvicksand
- Vad är lättare än att göra en 69:a med en blondin?
-Runka med boxningshandskar
- Vad saknar en brunett mest på en fest?
-Inbjudan
- Hur märker man att en blondin försökt göra chokladsås?
-Det ligger non-stop (M&M's) skal i hela köket
- Vad är det för skillnad på blondiner och spermier?
-Det finns miljontals av dem men det är bara ett fåtal det blir människa av
- Vad är det för skillnad på en blondin och ett bowlingklot?
-Ingen Båda är runda och har tre användbara hål
- Hur vet man att en blondin får orgasm?
-Hon släpper stänger av Ophra och säger -"Nästa!"
- Hur många blondiner krävs det för att byta en glödlampa?
-En! Hon håller i lampan och världen snurrar runt henne
- Varför finns det dumma brunetter?
-Bruna Peruker
- Vad säger blondinen när hon föder barn?
-Jag hoppas verkligen det är mitt
- Vad är det för skillnad på skåne och en blondin?
-En blondin har högre kullar och djupare dalar
- Vad är det för skillnad på en blondin och din tandborste?
-Du lånar aldrig ut din tandborste
- Varför hoppade blondinen från en skyskrapa?
-Hon skulle testa Always med vingar
- Vad kallar man en blondin som färgar håret mörkt?
-Artificiell intelligens!
- Vad är skillnaden mellan en intelligent blondin och ett flygande tefat?
-Flygande tefat exisisterar!
- Varför fick blondiner större hjärnor än hundar?
-För att de inte skulle gnugga sig mot killarnas ben också!
- Hur vet man att en blondin är förvirrad?
-Tampongen sitter bakom örat och Gud vet var hon har sin penna!
- Hur övertygar man en blondin att gifta sig med sig?
-Man talar om för henne att hon är med barn!
- Vilken är den största fördelen med att gifta sig med en blondin?
-Man får parkera i handikapprutan!
- Har du hört om blondinen vars pojkvän sade att han älskade henne?
-Nej! Hon trodde honom!
- Vad trodde blondinen att Moby Dick var?
-En könssjukdom!
- Hur lär man en blondin att läsa?
-Alt 1: Man hyr en textad porrfilm Alt 2: Man klistrar fast alfabetet mellen snoppen och
naveln
- Allvarligt, hur lär man en blondin räkna ?
-Ingen vet!
- Har du hört om blondinen som hittades medvetslös i cellen och hade tolv bulor i
huvudet?
-Nej! Hon försökte hänga sig i en gummisnodd!
- Vad är det första en blondin säger på morgonen?
-Spelar ni i samma lag allihop!
- Vad lägger blondinen bakom öronen för att attrahera männen?
-Sina ben!
- Vad använder blondinen istället för tandtråd?
-Pubishår!
- Vad är ett dilemma för en blondin?
-En kille med herpes och stor kuk!
- Vad är det ENDA i en mans byxa en blondin inte vill ha i ansiktet?
-Rynkor!
- Vad sade blondinen till främlingen?
-Klä av dig, jag tror jag känner dig!
- Vad är skillnaden mellan en dum blondin och en ännu dummare blondin?
-Sex öl!
- Varför är blondiner som sköldpaddor?
-Så fort de hammnar på rygg blir dom kvar där!
- Vad är skillnaden mellan en blondin och ett bowlingklot?
-Man får bara in tre fingrar i ett bowlingklot
- Vad är det första en blondin gör när hon vaknar?
-Tar på sig och går hem!
- Vad kallar man en blondin som kan suga en golfboll genom en 30 meter lång vattenslang?
-Älskling
- Vad är det för skillnad på blondiner och horor?
-Horor kör inte BMW
- Vad kallas en blondin i karriären?
-Klättermus
- Varför har blondiner 2 hjärnceller mer än korna?
-För att de inte ska råma när man tar dom på brösten
- Varför har blondiner en hjärncell mer än en hund?
-Så att hon inte ska lukta ALLA i skrevet
- Vad kallas det när en fluga surrar runt i huvudet på en blondin?
-Lost In Space
- Vad får man om man ställer en blondin uppochner?
-En brunett med dålig andedräkt
- Varför kan blondiner inte åka vattenskidor?
-Dom lägger sig så fort de blir våta mellan benen
- Varför kan blondiner inte simma bröstsim?
-Dom lägger sig på rygg så fort de blir våta mellan benen
- Hur vet man att en blondin gillar en?
-Man får sätta på henne två nätter i rad
- Hur stjäl man en fönsterplats från en blondin som ska flyga till London?
-Säg att bara mittenstolarna går till London
- En blondin köpte en dagbok att skriva ner alla sina tankar i.
-Tre år senare började hon på sida två
- Varför är det så svårt för blondiner att räkna 7:or på City?
-Dom måste använda båda händerna
- Varför är blondiner så bra på att suga?
-Dom har vakuum i huvudet
- Vad är skillnaden mellan en blondin och en ubåt?
-Alla män har inte varit i en ubåt
- Vad kallar man en blondin med 2 hjärnceller?
-Gravid
- Vad kallar man en blondin med en halv hjärna?
-Begåvad
- Hur dör blondas hjärnceller?
-Ensamma
- Vad sa blondinens vänstra ben till det högra?
-Ingenting, dom har aldrig träffats
- Var tvättar blondiner håret?
-I diskhon, det är där man tvättar grönsaker
- Vad är 86 för en blondin?
-En 69:a plus MOMS
- Varför bör man inte ge blondiner kafferaster?
-Det är för svårt att återutbilda dom
- Vad är det för skillnad på en blondin och en dator?
-Man behöver bara slå in informationen i datorn en gång
- Vad harkärnkraftverk och en blondin gemensamt?
-Man uppskattar dom inte fullt förrän dom läggs ner
- Varför gillade blondinen inte den nya datorn?
-Hon kunde inte hitta TV1000
- Vad är det för likhet på en blondin och ett par vindrutetorkare?
-Båda skriker när man sätter på dom torra
- Varför äter inte blondiner bananer?
-Det finns ingen "öppnas här" flik
- Varför har blondiner grönt läppstift?
-Rött betyder stopp
- Varför har blondiner rött läppstift?
-Stopp, fel hål !!
- Hur ser man om en blondin rotat i ens kylskåp?
-Läppstift på gurkorna
- Varför använder blondiner pepsodent på vibratorn?
-Så att dom inte får flera hål
- Varför har blondiner trosor?
-För att hålla vristerna varma
- Varför har blondiner TIF skrivet på skorna?
-Tår In Först
- Vad säger man till en blondin som inte vill?
-Får jag bjuda på en öl
- Vad är det första en blondin gör på morgonen?
-Presenterar sig Klär på sig och går hem
- Hur vill blondiner ha sina ägg på morgonen?
-Befruktade
- Vad är det första en blondin gör efter sex?
-Öppnar bildörren
- Hur tänder en blondin ljuset efter sex?
-Öppnar bildörren
- Varför gillar blondiner bilar med soltak?
-Mer plats för fötterna
- Varför gillar blondiner bilar med justerbar ratt?
-Bekvämare för huvudet
- Vad säger blondiner när dom får orgasm?
-Nästa
- Vad säger blondinen när man blåser henne i örat?
-Tack för påfyllningen
- Vad kallas det när en blondin blåser en annan blondin i örat?
-Data överföring
- Vad sa blondinen när hon läste den storbystade servitrisens namnskylt?
-Annava' sött Vad har du döpt den andra till?
- Varför har blondiner mer kul?
-Dom är lättare att underhålla
- Vad kallar man två blondiner som står öra mot öra?
-Vindtunnel
- Vad är det för skillnad på en smart blondin och ett UFO?
-Det finns folk som sett UFOn
- Varför äter blondiner p-piller?
-Så dom vet vilken dag det är
- Vad händer när en blondin får Alzheimers?
-IQ tredubblas
- Varför ligger blondinen steget före Karl XII?
-Karl XII hade BARA 60000 män
- Vad är det för skillnad på en blondin och en munk?
-En blondin har mer sperma i sig
- Varför är tvättmaskiner bättre än blondiner?
-Man kan släppa sin laddning i en tvättmaskin utan att den följer efter en i en vecka
- Vad har hund-skit och blondiner gemensamt?
-Båda blir lättare att plocka upp med åldern
- Vad har en blondin och en ölflaska gemensamt?
-Båda är tomma från halsen och upp
- Varför satt den döva blondinen på en tidning?
-Hon försökte läppläsa
- Vad säger den blonda mamman åt sin blonda dotter när hon ska ut?
-Om du inte är i säng före 12 kom hem !
- Varför är det så svårt för blondiner att gifta sig?
-Nuförtiden behöver man inte gifta sig för att ha sex
- Hur försökte blondinen döda fågeln?
-Hon kastade den utför ett stup
- Hur dödar blondiner en fisk?
-Dränker den
- Varför blev blondinen så stolt när hon klarade puzzlet på 6 månader?
-På paketet stod det 4-6år
- Hur uppehåller man en blondin i timmar?
-Skriv "VÄND PÅ PAPPRET" på båda sidor av ett papper
- Hur beskriver man en blondin omgiven av dreglande gubbar?
-Smickrad
- Varför skapade Gud blondiner?
-Fåren kunde inte hämta en öl ur kylen
- Hur får man en blondin att skratta på måndag morgon?
-Dra ett skämt på fredag kväll
- Varför skapade Gud brunetter
-blondinerna kunde inte heller hämta öl
- Hur bröt blondinen benet när hon krattade löv?
-Hon ramlade ner från trädet
- Varför var Jungfru Maria inte blond?
-Hon skulle inte varit gammal nog att få barn
- Vad kallar man en blond oskuld?
-Nyfödd
- Vad kallar man en smart blondin?
-En indikation på att man är alldeles för full
- Vad har toffler och blondiner gemensamt?
-Dom är lätta på foten
- Vilken funktion fyller blondinen på M&M fabriken?
-Kontrollläsning
- Varför fick blondinen sparken från M&M fabriken?
-Hon kastade bort alla W:n
- Vad kallar man en blondins skelett i en garderob?
-Förra årets vinnare i kurragömma
- Vad är det för skillnad på en blondin och en toalett?
-Toaletten fattar när man spolar den!
- Vad är det för skillnad på en kundvagn och en blondin?
-En kundvagn har en egen vilja
- Vad är det för skillnad på en blondin och MoDo?
-MoDo suger fortfarande
- Vad är det för skillnad på en trampolin och en blondin?
-Man tar av sig skorna innan man använder en trampolin
- Vad är det för likhet mellan en blondin och en TV?
-Båda är lika lätta att sätta på
- Vad är det för skillnad på en prostituerad, en nymfoman och en blondin?
-Den prostituerade säger: "Är du inte klar snart?"nymfomanen: "Är du
redan klar?" och blondinen: "BlåttJag tror jag ska måla taket blått"
- Vad kallas en blondin bakom ratten?
-Air bag
- Varför körde blondinen i diket?
-Hon blinkade för tidigt!
- Varför frös blondinen ihjäl på Drive-in bion?
-Hon ville se "Stängt för vintern"
- Vad är blondinens kroniska talfel?
-Hon kan inte säga nej
- Vad kallas blondinerna på högskolan?
-Besökare
- Hörde du om den blonda räven?
-Fastnade i en rävsax, tugggade av tre ben, och satt fortfarande fast
- När är det okej att skjuta en blondin i huvudet?
-När man har en luftpump att pumpa upp det med igen
- En blondins svar på kommentaren "tänk på det!":
-Jag behöver inte tänkaJag är blond !
- Statistiska Central Byrån har i en färsk undersökning kommit fram till att blondiner
verkligen har roligare.
-Dom minns bara inte
- Blondinen
-Danne och Matte måste ha varit ganska fulla igår - Varför då? - Dom tappade mig i
trappan
- How do blonde braincells die?
- Alone.
- How do you brainwash a blonde?
- Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
- How do you change a blonde's mind?
- Blow in her ear.
- Buy her another beer.
- How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
- Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
- How do you get a blonde pregnant?
- Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
- How do you get a blonde to marry you?
- Tell her she's pregnant.
- What will she ask you?
- "Is it mine?"
- How does a blonde kill a fish?
- She drowns it.
- A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
- Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
- How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
- Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper
- How does a blonde hold her liquor?
- By the ears.
- How do you know a blond likes you?
- She screws you two nights in a row.
- How does a blonde moonwalk?
- She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
- Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
- The rest are hunt'n peckers.
- What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
- An air bag.
- What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?
- B.J.
- Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
- Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.
- Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
- To avoid the draft.
- Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
- Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
- Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
- It's too hard to re-train them.
- What do blondes do for foreplay?
- Remove their underwear.
- What's the mating call of the blonde?
- "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
- What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
- (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
- What's the mating call of the brunette?
- "All the blondes have gone home!"
- What's a brunette's mating call ?
- Has that blonde gone yet?
- What is the brunette's mating call?
- When is that blond bitch going to leave!?
- What's the mating call of the redhead?
- "Next!"
- How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
- Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
- What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
- Trying to hold on to a thought.
- Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
- They don't know the route.
- Why do blondes work seven days a week?
- So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
- What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
- It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
- What is foreplay for a blonde?
- Thirty minutes of begging.
- What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
- Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
- What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
- You need a quarter to use the phone.
- Only one person can use the phone at once.
- What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
- They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
- What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
- "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
- How does a blonde commit suicide?
- She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
- How do you plant dope?
- Bury a blonde.
- Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
- Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.
- How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
- Wave to her.
- How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
- With a tire gauge! (da da dum)
- How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
- She opens the car door.
- How does a blonde get pregnant?
- And I thought blondes were dumb!
- How does a blonde part their hair?
- (Action of scissoring legs apart)
- By doing the splits.
- How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
- Shine a torch in her ears.
- How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
- She drops her nail-file!
- Who cares?
- She says, "Next".
- The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
- He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
- I mean, who really cares?
- The batteries have run out.
- How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
- Shine a flashlight in their ear.
- Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
- (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
- How do you kill a blonde?
- Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
- How do blondes pierce their ears?
- They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
- How does a blonde like her eggs?
- Unfertilized.
- How do you drown a blond?
- Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
- Don't tell her to swallow.
- Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
- How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
- The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
- How does a blonde high-5?
- She smacks herself in the forehead.
- How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
- Flattered.
- What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
- A know-it-all bitch.
- What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
- One's a phony buck.
- What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
- A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
- What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
- One that never misses a period.
- What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
- An Italian suppository.
- Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
- Because the vacuum in her head keeps them in place.
- What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-o?
- Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.
- What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
- I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
- Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.
- Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
- She was having sunny periods.
- What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
- Her feet!
- How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
- When she farts, her knees bag.
- What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
- Marriage.
- How is a blonde like a frying pan?
- You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
- How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
- A 69 interrupted by a period.
- How do you describe the perfect blonde?
- 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
- How do you confuse a blonde?
- You don't. They're born that way.
- Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
- They're too hard to peel.
- How do you drive a blonde crazy?
- Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.
- Why does it work?
- "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
- How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
- You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
- What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
- Proofreading.
- Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
- For throwing out the W's.
- Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
- Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
- Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
- To keep her ankles warm.
- How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
- Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.
- What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
- Way to go team!
- How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
- By the chipped tooth.
- How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
- (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
- How do you keep a blonde busy?
- Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
- Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
- To keep from bruising their ears.
- Why do blondes have vaginas?
- So guys will talk to them at parties.
- Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a thunder storm?
- She loves taking pictures (flashes, got it?).
- What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
- Full.
- What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
- "No, I just lie there."
- What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
- "Thanks, guys..."
- What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
- Air pockets.
- What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
- "Space. The final frontier......"
- How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team?
- Just One... Boomer Esiason.
- What's brown and red and black and blue?
- A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
- What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
- You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.
- Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
- So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
- How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
- She fell out of the tree.
- How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
- One.
- Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
- She didn't know what ONE came first...
- Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
- Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
- Their mothers told them not to talk with their mouths full.
- What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
- Divorced.
- What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
- Divorced.
- How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
- Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
- How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
- You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.
- How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
- Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
- How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
- She threw it off a cliff.
- How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
- She fell out of the tree.
- How did the blonde die drinking milk?
- The cow fell on her.
- How did the blonde burn her nose?
- Bobbing for french fries.
- How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
- She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
- How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
- There's white-out on the screen.
- How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
- There's writing on the white-out.
- What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
- You only have to punch information into a computer once.
- What did the blonde think of the new computer?
- She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....
- How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
- By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
- How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
- A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
- How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
- By the buckle print on her forehead.
- How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
- He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead!
- How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
- She has a checkbook.
- How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
- There is a stamp on it.
- How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
- She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
- What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
- It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
- What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
- The blonde has the higher sperm count.
- What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
- The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
- What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a blonde track team?
- The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.
- What is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player and a blonde?
- He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.
- What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
- You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.
- What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
- The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says "Are you done
already?" The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
- What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
- A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
- What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
- You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
- What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
- Your job still sucks after 6 months.
- What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist?
- You can negotiate with a terrorist.
- What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
- A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.
- What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
- In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says,
"Any-cock'll-doooo."
- What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
- Not everybody has been in a limo.
- What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
- You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
- You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
- There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke.
- You don't eat your bowling ball
- What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
- The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
- What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
- Lipstick.
- Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
- You can park in the handicap zone.
- Why is a blonde like a turtle?
- They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
- Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
- It takes too long to retrain them.
- Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
- They're doing research on black holes.
- Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
- So she can have a doggie bag for later.
- Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
- Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
- Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
- So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
- So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
- Why do men like blonde jokes??
- Because they can understand them.
- Why do blondes like lightning?
- They think someone is taking their picture.
- Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
- Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
- Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
- From eating with forks.
- Why do blondes have more fun?
- Because they don't know any better. *A: They are easier to keep amused.
- Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
- Because you don't have to marry them for sex!
- Why do blondes have legs?
- So they don't get stuck to the ground.
- To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
- So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
- Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
- So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
- So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
- Why do blondes drive BMWs?
- Because they can spell it.
- Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
- *Who cares?*
- Why do blondes have periods?
- They deserve them
- Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
- From dating blonde men.
- What does a blonde and a tampon have in common?
- They're both stuck up c*nts!
- Why do blondes wear tampons?
- Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.
- Why do blondes drive VW's
- Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
- Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
- To cover up the valve stem.
- Why do blonds have square boobs?
- Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
- Why do Blondes take the pill?
- So they know what day of the week it is.
- But why do brunettes take the pill ?
- Wishful Thinking.
- Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
- Toes go in first.
- Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
- Tits go in front.
- Why do blondes like tilt steering?
- More head room.
- Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
- More leg room.
- Why do blonds have orgasms ?
- So they know when to stop having sex !
- Why do blondes wear underwear?
- They make good ankle warmers.
- Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
- Because they can spell it.
- What is 74 to a blonde?
- 69 plus G.S.T.
- Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
- Because red means stop.
- Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
- Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
- Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
- They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
- Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
- Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
- Why do blondes wear their hair up?
- To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
- Why don't blondes double recipes?
- The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
- Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
- They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
- Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
- They can't remember the number.
- She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
- Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
- They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".
- Why don't blondes eat bananas?
- They can't find the zipper.
- Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
- Cause their balls show!
- Why don't blonds breast feed?
- Because they always burn their nipples.
- Why don't blondes use vibrators?
- They chip their teeth.
- Why don't blondes eat Jello?
- They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
- Why don't blondes eat pickles?
- Because they can't get their head in the jar.
- What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
- Introduces themself.
- Walks home.
- What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
- Opens the car door.
- What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
- Bucket seats.
- What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex?
- Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
- How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
- "What's a lightbulb?"
- One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
- Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
- What's a blonde's favorite wine?
- "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
- What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
- Not everyone has been in a 747
- What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
- A brunette with bad breath.
- Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the
street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
- The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a
smart blonde.
- None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
- If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
- The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
- What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
- Her IQ goes up!
- What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
- You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
- What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
- Butter is difficult to spread.
- What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
- They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
- What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
- Bigfoot has been spotted.
- Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
- Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for
a week.
- What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
- "Nice tits!"
- What does a blonde make best for dinner?
- Reservations.
- What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a
blonde have in common?
- Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.
- What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
- Pack their lunch and send them to work.
- What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
- Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
- What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
- They both get easier to pick-up with age.
- What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
- It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
- What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
- They both have a black box.
- Both have a cockpit.
- What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
- Change.
- What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
- "Thanks for the refill!"
- What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
- They pull up their pants.
- What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
- Last years hide and go seek winner.
- What do you call a basement full of blondes?
- A whine cellar.
- What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
- Air bubbles.
- What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
- A whine and cheese party!
- What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a street corner?
- 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!
- What do you call a blonde lesbian?
- A waste.
- What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
- An air mattress.
- What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
- An Air Bag.
- What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
- A mental block.
- What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
- A wind tunnel.
- What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
- A dope ring.
- What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
- Divorcee'
- What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
- Pregnant.
- What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
- A visitor.
- What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
- Gifted!
- What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
- All you can eat, under a buck.
- What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
- An interpreter.
- What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?
- Sweet Fuck All...
- What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
- Frosted Flakes.
- What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
- Frosted Flakes.
- What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
- A Space Invader.
- What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
- Branch Manager.
- What do you call a smart blond?
- A golden retriever.
- An indicator of a really bad hangover.
- What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
- Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
- What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
- The back of her head.
- What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
- Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...
- What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
- Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.
- What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
- Artificial intelligence.
- What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
- You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
- What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
- Pull the pin and throw it back.
- What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
- Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
- You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter and
they'll always come back.
- What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
- Her ankles.
- What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
- "Have another beer."
- What do Blondes say after sex?
- Thanks Guys.
- Are you boys all in the same band?
- Do you guys all play for the (..............)? insert team name here.
- What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
- The more you bang it the looser it gets.
- What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
- They're both empty from the neck up.
- What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
- They both wriggle when you eat them.
- What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
- They both have black roots.
- What does a blonde owl say?
- What, what?
- What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
- A brain tumor.
- What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
- Two brunettes.
- What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?
- They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
- What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
- He knows who the ten men were.
- How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
- 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
- Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
- What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date.
- If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
- What's the Blonde's cheer?
- " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea
yea yea..."
- Why did the blonde cross the road?
- Never mind that! What was she doing out of the bedroom?!? R: I don't know.
- Neither did she.
- Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
- To see what was on the other side.
- Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
- Because her boyfriend was also blond!
- Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
- Too many blondes were drowning.
- Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
- They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
- Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
- Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
- Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
- She realized she gave her last blowjob.
- Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
- Because that's what they train for all their lives.
- Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
- So her male would get delivered to the right box.
- Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
- From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
- Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
- In case she locks the keys in her car.
- Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
- So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
- Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
- So she could lip read.
- Why did God create blondes?
- Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
- Why did God create brunettes?
- Neither could the blondes.
- Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
- So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
- Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
- To turn the blinker off.
- Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
- She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
- Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
- To see what was on the other side.
- Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
- Because she loved children.
- Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ??
- She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.
- Why did they call the blond twinkie?
- She liked to be filled with cream.
- Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?
- It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.
- Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
- She'd just dyed her hair.
- Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
- She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
- Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
- Because it kept falling out.
- Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
- Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
- Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
- Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
- Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
- Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
- What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
- Way to go team!
- How do you confuse a blonde?
- Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
- Why does it work?
- "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
- Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
- She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
- What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
- Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
- What is the blonde's favorite battery?
- Ever-ready.
- What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
- A blond doing cartwheels.
- What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
- They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
- What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
- A vacant possession.
- What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
- "No, I just lie there."
- How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
- One.
- Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
- She didn't know what ONE came first...
- Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
- Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
- Their mothers told them not with there mouths full.
- What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
- Divorced.
- What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
- Divorced.
- How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
- Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
- Why did the blonde fail her drivers license ?
- She wasn't used to the front seat!
- Why did she finally pass her test?
- She took the examiner with her
- Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
- She missed the Earth!
- Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
- She blew it both times!
- What do a moped and a blond have in common?
- They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
- How do you know when a blond's been in your fridge?
- Lipstick on the cucumbers!
- What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
- All you have to do is scratch the box to win
- Why are blondes so sexually promiscuous?
- Who cares
- What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
- About 2 cans of hair spray
- What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
- Pick them up off the floor
- What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.?
- Nail polish!
- What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time?
- "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions)
- Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
- The vegetable garden.
- How many blondes does it take to play tag?
- One.
- What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde and a Schwinn at the
side of the road?
- One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .
- What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagen?
- Far-from-thinkin
- Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
- Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
- What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
- She slipped off and fell down the drain.
- Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
- Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List.
- What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
- The Blonde!
- The other guys waiting their turn.
- What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
- 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'
- What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
- "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
- What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
- Spot.
- What's a blonds' favorite rock group?
- Air Supply.
- What's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
- A blond electrician
- Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
- So brunettes can remember them.
- Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
- Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ????
- She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
- Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
- Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
- What did the blonde do when she got her period?
- Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
- Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
- Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
- Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
- They keep breaking them with the hammers.
- What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
- Perri-air
- Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
- Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
- When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
- When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
- What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
- The Air Pump!
- Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
- Because she got an F in sex.
- Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
- She missed.
- Why are there no dumb brunettes?
- Peroxide.
- What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg.
- Nothing - they've never met.
- What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
- She can't say "No".
- What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
- Data transfer.
- What's the difference between a Blonde and a Supermarket Trolley.
- A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
- Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
- They can't keep their calves together!
- What was the blond psychic's greatest achievement?
- An IN-body experience!
- When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
- After a dye job.
- What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
- Humpme Dumpme.
- What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
- "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
- What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
- A blonde going through a flashing red light.
- Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
- Cause she blows the horn!!!!!
- Why is a blonde like a door knob?
- 'Cause everybody gets a turn.
- Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
- 'Cause she's been laid all over the country.
- Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
- She kept having affairs with men!
- What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
- She picks up her purse and goes home.
- Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
- The vegetable garden.
- What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde and a Schwinn at the
side of the road?
- One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .
- Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
- Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List.
- Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
- She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
- What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
- Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
- What is the blonde's favorite battery?
- Ever-ready.
- What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
- A vacant possession.
- If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who would die first?
- The brunette -- because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
- To a blonde, what is long and hard?
- Grade 4.
- What is the definition of gross ignorance?
- 144 blondes.
- Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
- Because at 69 they blow a rod...
- What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
- A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
- Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
- Because they can't even keep two calves together!
- Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
- Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
- What did the blonde say to the physicist?
- "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
- Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a
drive-in movie theater?
- They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
- Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
- They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
- What is the definition of the perfect woman?
- A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
- Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
- They both drip when they're fucked.
- How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
- Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
- Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
- It swells at night.
- A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who
asks "Where did you get that?"
- The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
- A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve
pieces.
- "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
- What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
- Locking the car door.
- Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
- Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
- What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
- She moved.
- What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
- A blonde parade.
- Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
- They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
- Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
- She burned her lips on the tailpipe.